Good morning Phoenix – welcome to Top Ten Tuesday.
Did you
ever wonder where the words we use day-to-day came from? It could
surprise you. Here’s 10 innocent words and their unbelievably dirty
origins.
• Fundamental: What we think it means: Forming a
necessary base or core; of central importance. What it really means:
Things to do with the ass. The Latin word fundamentum means “a
foundation, groundwork; support; beginning.” But once the French got
their hands on the term, they tweaked it into fondement and added a
curious new usage—to describe the anus. And sometime in the 13th
century, the English made it into “fundament,” adding buttocks to the
official definition. It isn’t difficult to see the logic at play here.
The foundation of the body, when seated at least, is the butt. So
really, when using the term “fundamental,” we’re observing an object’s
relationship to the hind quarters. So be sure to pick up some
fundamental paper from the store and give all your enemies a fundamental
kicking.
• Venus Fly Trap: What we think it means: A small,
carnivorous plant. What it really means: A vicious, fly-eating vagina.
It seems that many of the esteemed, learned members of the botanical
community are, in fact, relentless perverts. For instance, when faced
with the challenge of thinking up a name for an amazing plant with the
unusual habit of eating insects with a lightning-fast snap of its jaws,
they couldn’t get over one little detail. It seems that they saw in its
pink, hair-lined lips a resemblance to a certain portion of the female
anatomy. They named it for Venus, the Roman goddess of love and sex,
forever associating it with female sexuality.
• Orchid: What we
think it means: A beautiful flower. What it really means: Testicles.
Once again, we have those dirty, dirty botanists to thank for
inadvertently mentioning genitalia in casual conversation. It seems that
at some point, the folks in charge of naming new plants completely
overlooked the incredibly beautiful, delicate flowers of the orchid and
focused instead on the fact that its roots slightly resembled testes.
And this isn’t the first name it’s had referencing that resemblance. In
Middle English, it was called ballockwort, “ballock” meaning—well, you
get the picture. But after that joke began to get old, the Latin orchis
was brought in, also meaning male genitalia.
• Seminar: What we
think it means: A meeting for a discussion of a subject. What it really
means: Semen. So “seminar” is really just an English shortening of the
Latin seminarium, meaning a “breeding ground” or a “plant nursery.” And
that, in turn, is taken from seminarius, meaning “things to do with
seeds.” Finally, we arrive at the root word “semen,” meaning “a seed.”
Essentially, this means that a “seminar” is a figurative “breeding
ground” of ideas, where figurative semen is shared freely among those in
attendance.
• Mastodon: What we think it means: A massive
prehistoric beast. What it really means: A creature with nipples for
teeth. The name “mastodon” literally translates as “breast tooth.”
Taken from the Latin terms for breast (mastos) and tooth (odon), the
giant creature’s given name references the, er, “unique” shape of its
tusks. It’s also further proof of the rampant perversion among the
scientific community.
• Pencil: What we think it means: A small,
wooden writing device. What it really means: A tiny penis. The ancient
Romans had a real knack for describing innocent objects with the exact
words that they used to describe their genitalia. “Penis” in Latin means
“tail.” But at some point, it evolved into the word peniculus to
describe the brushes used for writing in the ancient world. Then the
term evolved further to “penicillus,” literally “little tail,” to
specifically describe a paintbrush. The French then altered it to
pincel but kept the definition. Finally, it arrived in England, became
“pencil,” and slowly shifted to mean the writing utensils we know today.
• Amazon: What we think it means: A huge, female warrior or a
river in South America. What it really means: A person without breasts.
The Greeks of the 14th century told tales of a fearsome race of
warrior women known as the Amazones. So committed were they to their
deadly craft that they supposedly removed one of their breasts, either
by cutting or burning, to keep it out of the way of their bow-drawing
arm. But despite all the stories of their incredible prowess in battle,
it was this one detail that everyone remembered. Mazos, the word for
“breasts,” was combined with “a,” the prefix for “without,” to craft the
insultingly childish term. The South American river was then named by
Spanish explorers after an encounter with breastless tribal warrior
women—who may have actually just been long-haired male tribesmen.
•
Musk: What we think it means: A heavy scent or perfume. What it really
means: Testicle. The word “musk” is thrown around a lot in the world
of perfume, typically to describe scents designed for men. Musk is
actually a substance produced by some animals for the purposes of
attracting mates. The thing is, the gland that produces this stuff looks
an awful lot like a scrotum. And so, when the perfumists of the
ancient world decided that this animal aphrodisiac could be used in
their products, they needed a name for it. They were still human,
though, so they had to make it as immature as possible. The Sanskrit
word muska-s means “testicle.” The musk gland looked like a scrotum. It
was a match made in pointing, giggling heaven. And to this day, we
spritz ourselves with testicle juice.
• Manatee: What we think it
means: A large, aquatic mammal. What it really means: Breasts. The
manatee, often referred to as the sea cow, is indeed a massive,
blubbery, marine mammal. With its formless, blob-like shape, you’d be
hard-pressed to find a less sexually intriguing, well, anything. But
that didn’t stop the Carib word for “breasts” from becoming its official
name. There is actually some dispute over this one. Some claim that
the creature’s name comes from the Latin word manatus, meaning “having
hands,” due to the shape of its flippers. But the Caribbean word manati,
meaning “breasts” or “udders,” is also believed to have spawned the
beast’s name.
• Vanilla: What we think it means: A plant, a bean, a
delicious flavoring. What it really means: Vagina. In the 1500s,
Spanish conquistadors were busy taking pretty much anything that wasn’t
nailed down from modern-day Mexico. During this lengthy pillaging
session, they came across the vanilla plant. And they must have been
pretty lonely by this point because they immediately made one amazing
stretch of an observation. When opened, the long, dark vanilla beans
apparently looked like female genitalia. They named the plant vainilla, a
variation of the word vaina, meaning “sheath.” It seems innocent
enough, except that vaina was itself a variation of the Latin “vagina.”
So we’re left with a long, vague, linguistic joke, likening the general
shape of the vanilla bean to a woman’s private parts. And it’s one that
we take part in every time we visit the ice cream shop. Thanks a lot,
Spain.
Have a fangtastic day everyone! <3 Brock V"""V
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