Did you ever wonder where the words we use day-to-day came from? It could surprise you. Here’s 10 innocent words and their unbelievably dirty origins.
• Fundamental: What we think it means: Forming a necessary base or core; of central importance. What it really means: Things to do with the ass. The Latin word fundamentum means “a foundation, groundwork; support; beginning.” But once the French got their hands on the term, they tweaked it into fondement and added a curious new usage—to describe the anus. And sometime in the 13th century, the English made it into “fundament,” adding buttocks to the official definition. It isn’t difficult to see the logic at play here. The foundation of the body, when seated at least, is the butt. So really, when using the term “fundamental,” we’re observing an object’s relationship to the hind quarters. So be sure to pick up some fundamental paper from the store and give all your enemies a fundamental kicking.
• Venus Fly Trap: What we think it means: A small, carnivorous plant. What it really means: A vicious, fly-eating vagina. It seems that many of the esteemed, learned members of the botanical community are, in fact, relentless perverts. For instance, when faced with the challenge of thinking up a name for an amazing plant with the unusual habit of eating insects with a lightning-fast snap of its jaws, they couldn’t get over one little detail. It seems that they saw in its pink, hair-lined lips a resemblance to a certain portion of the female anatomy. They named it for Venus, the Roman goddess of love and sex, forever associating it with female sexuality.
• Orchid: What we think it means: A beautiful flower. What it really means: Testicles. Once again, we have those dirty, dirty botanists to thank for inadvertently mentioning genitalia in casual conversation. It seems that at some point, the folks in charge of naming new plants completely overlooked the incredibly beautiful, delicate flowers of the orchid and focused instead on the fact that its roots slightly resembled testes. And this isn’t the first name it’s had referencing that resemblance. In Middle English, it was called ballockwort, “ballock” meaning—well, you get the picture. But after that joke began to get old, the Latin orchis was brought in, also meaning male genitalia.
• Seminar: What we think it means: A meeting for a discussion of a subject. What it really means: Semen. So “seminar” is really just an English shortening of the Latin seminarium, meaning a “breeding ground” or a “plant nursery.” And that, in turn, is taken from seminarius, meaning “things to do with seeds.” Finally, we arrive at the root word “semen,” meaning “a seed.” Essentially, this means that a “seminar” is a figurative “breeding ground” of ideas, where figurative semen is shared freely among those in attendance.
• Mastodon: What we think it means: A massive prehistoric beast. What it really means: A creature with nipples for teeth. The name “mastodon” literally translates as “breast tooth.” Taken from the Latin terms for breast (mastos) and tooth (odon), the giant creature’s given name references the, er, “unique” shape of its tusks. It’s also further proof of the rampant perversion among the scientific community.
• Pencil: What we think it means: A small, wooden writing device. What it really means: A tiny penis. The ancient Romans had a real knack for describing innocent objects with the exact words that they used to describe their genitalia. “Penis” in Latin means “tail.” But at some point, it evolved into the word peniculus to describe the brushes used for writing in the ancient world. Then the term evolved further to “penicillus,” literally “little tail,” to specifically describe a paintbrush. The French then altered it to pincel but kept the definition. Finally, it arrived in England, became “pencil,” and slowly shifted to mean the writing utensils we know today.
• Amazon: What we think it means: A huge, female warrior or a river in South America. What it really means: A person without breasts. The Greeks of the 14th century told tales of a fearsome race of warrior women known as the Amazones. So committed were they to their deadly craft that they supposedly removed one of their breasts, either by cutting or burning, to keep it out of the way of their bow-drawing arm. But despite all the stories of their incredible prowess in battle, it was this one detail that everyone remembered. Mazos, the word for “breasts,” was combined with “a,” the prefix for “without,” to craft the insultingly childish term. The South American river was then named by Spanish explorers after an encounter with breastless tribal warrior women—who may have actually just been long-haired male tribesmen.
• Musk: What we think it means: A heavy scent or perfume. What it really means: Testicle. The word “musk” is thrown around a lot in the world of perfume, typically to describe scents designed for men. Musk is actually a substance produced by some animals for the purposes of attracting mates. The thing is, the gland that produces this stuff looks an awful lot like a scrotum. And so, when the perfumists of the ancient world decided that this animal aphrodisiac could be used in their products, they needed a name for it. They were still human, though, so they had to make it as immature as possible. The Sanskrit word muska-s means “testicle.” The musk gland looked like a scrotum. It was a match made in pointing, giggling heaven. And to this day, we spritz ourselves with testicle juice.
• Manatee: What we think it means: A large, aquatic mammal. What it really means: Breasts. The manatee, often referred to as the sea cow, is indeed a massive, blubbery, marine mammal. With its formless, blob-like shape, you’d be hard-pressed to find a less sexually intriguing, well, anything. But that didn’t stop the Carib word for “breasts” from becoming its official name. There is actually some dispute over this one. Some claim that the creature’s name comes from the Latin word manatus, meaning “having hands,” due to the shape of its flippers. But the Caribbean word manati, meaning “breasts” or “udders,” is also believed to have spawned the beast’s name.
• Vanilla: What we think it means: A plant, a bean, a delicious flavoring. What it really means: Vagina. In the 1500s, Spanish conquistadors were busy taking pretty much anything that wasn’t nailed down from modern-day Mexico. During this lengthy pillaging session, they came across the vanilla plant. And they must have been pretty lonely by this point because they immediately made one amazing stretch of an observation. When opened, the long, dark vanilla beans apparently looked like female genitalia. They named the plant vainilla, a variation of the word vaina, meaning “sheath.” It seems innocent enough, except that vaina was itself a variation of the Latin “vagina.” So we’re left with a long, vague, linguistic joke, likening the general shape of the vanilla bean to a woman’s private parts. And it’s one that we take part in every time we visit the ice cream shop. Thanks a lot, Spain.
Have a fangtastic day everyone! <3 Brock V"""V
